Thursday, September 20, 2012

doctors and meds and self pity, oh my.

So I have to have a sleep study done, and im pretty sure Parker's going with me because im really nervous. but this lead me to wonder, can i teach Parker to help with my constant exhaustion? so i think im going to try and teach him to alert/respond/whatever to me nodding off.  not sure how yet, but i will!

   In other news, i finally have a real fibromyalgia diagnosis, which is good, but my dr forgot to call in my pain meds :P ive been moving like a freaking 90 year old for 4 days now!  also, i got a rx for something for my restless legs, i dont remember what its called, and i have to start taking vitamin D. just when i thought i was going to take LESS meds... :P oh well, whatever helps so i can act somewhat like a normal 20 year old.

   ive been thinking a lot about that actually. in some ways, i feel like im much younger. i think like a child sometimes, i feel like i lose control and get emotional like someone younger than myself, i cant drive, couldn't live on my own if i tried, and im VERY dependent on my mom to help me function. im sure some of it is the PDD-NOS, but i cant help but think some of it is just "me".  but in other ways, i feel so old. the aches and pains and SO many dr appointments. i dont go out with friends anymore, i dont run, or bike, cant really jump,  cant bend to get things off the floor most days.

   dont get me wrong, im doing ok. im not slipping back into depression or anything. im just... i dont know, sad? disappointed? id give anything to be able to go ballroom dancing all night just one more time, or to take a full class load and work part time, or even just to be able to DRIVE myself to school. its so frustrating to see all my friends do it, and they wonder why i cant.

   and the sad truth? i really only have a couple actual friends. people who actually care to try and do things with me despite my issues. these friends mean the world to me, and i hope they don't tire of me.  my "facebook family" is becoming more and more important to me. my friends with service dogs especially. I value them so much. and not just because we have the dogs in common, but because we all have similar issues like the ones im venting about. Being disabled brings an entirely different meaning to your life, and talking to these people helps me to see that theres still a point to mine. watching them thrive reminds me that its possible-i can thrive too- and it inspires me to keep trying.

   what would we do without facebook, huh?

   well there's my rant for tonight, and since i just found out people actually read this, feel free to leave feedback, guys! especially on topics you'd like me to write about (ANYTHING not just dogs or disability, although those are the main purpose of this blog) and on site design, i was wondering if the colors bother anyone.

 Night, all
 Karry and Parker

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