Thursday, September 20, 2012

doctors and meds and self pity, oh my.

So I have to have a sleep study done, and im pretty sure Parker's going with me because im really nervous. but this lead me to wonder, can i teach Parker to help with my constant exhaustion? so i think im going to try and teach him to alert/respond/whatever to me nodding off.  not sure how yet, but i will!

   In other news, i finally have a real fibromyalgia diagnosis, which is good, but my dr forgot to call in my pain meds :P ive been moving like a freaking 90 year old for 4 days now!  also, i got a rx for something for my restless legs, i dont remember what its called, and i have to start taking vitamin D. just when i thought i was going to take LESS meds... :P oh well, whatever helps so i can act somewhat like a normal 20 year old.

   ive been thinking a lot about that actually. in some ways, i feel like im much younger. i think like a child sometimes, i feel like i lose control and get emotional like someone younger than myself, i cant drive, couldn't live on my own if i tried, and im VERY dependent on my mom to help me function. im sure some of it is the PDD-NOS, but i cant help but think some of it is just "me".  but in other ways, i feel so old. the aches and pains and SO many dr appointments. i dont go out with friends anymore, i dont run, or bike, cant really jump,  cant bend to get things off the floor most days.

   dont get me wrong, im doing ok. im not slipping back into depression or anything. im just... i dont know, sad? disappointed? id give anything to be able to go ballroom dancing all night just one more time, or to take a full class load and work part time, or even just to be able to DRIVE myself to school. its so frustrating to see all my friends do it, and they wonder why i cant.

   and the sad truth? i really only have a couple actual friends. people who actually care to try and do things with me despite my issues. these friends mean the world to me, and i hope they don't tire of me.  my "facebook family" is becoming more and more important to me. my friends with service dogs especially. I value them so much. and not just because we have the dogs in common, but because we all have similar issues like the ones im venting about. Being disabled brings an entirely different meaning to your life, and talking to these people helps me to see that theres still a point to mine. watching them thrive reminds me that its possible-i can thrive too- and it inspires me to keep trying.

   what would we do without facebook, huh?

   well there's my rant for tonight, and since i just found out people actually read this, feel free to leave feedback, guys! especially on topics you'd like me to write about (ANYTHING not just dogs or disability, although those are the main purpose of this blog) and on site design, i was wondering if the colors bother anyone.

 Night, all
 Karry and Parker

Thursday, September 13, 2012

30 things

reblogged from invisible illness week
1. The illness I live with is: Fibromyalgia, PDD-NOS, Anxiety, Depression.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2012, 2011,2009ish
3. But I had symptoms since: 2010ish, childhood
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: training my service dog as my needs have changed, and also limiting myself to what i can handle on bad days.
5. Most people assume: "oh you must LOVE having your dog everywhere!" it cant be THAT bad, youre too young
6. The hardest part about mornings is. the incredible pain that greets me when i wake up
7. My favorite medical TV show is: HOUSE!!
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: gadget? maybe my ipod
9. The hardest part about nights are: the insomnia. being echausted and unable to sleep.
10. Each day I take _8-10_ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)
11. Regarding alternative treatments: I'm currently looking into options that may help me.
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: visible
13. Regarding working and career: im struggling through a college class and a job, just hoping to have some kind of future
14. People would be surprised to know:my 25 pound dog is how i survive the day. without him, some very simple things would be impossible.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: i may never be able to be what i want to be.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: im back in school :) one class at a time, but im there.
17. The commercials about my illness: understate them. all of them. especially fibro. its Excruciating. not this little ache it looks like in the commercial.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: anything athletic. running, bike riding, rollerblading.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: going out with friends several times a week. im lucky if i can manage 3 times a month now.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: i havnt really, other than this blog that i dont update much :) suggestions?
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: take Parker for the best walk he's ever been on :) we would go running through a feild like wild horses!
22. My illness has taught me: flexibility. i cant make concrete plans anymore. and the ability to say no when i need to.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: its not THAT bad, leave the dog at home, go get some fresh air, take a tylenol, youll be fine!" and other things to that effect.
24. But I love it when people: spend some low key time with me :) 
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: 1 peter 5:10,
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: you're not alone, theres always someone who understands and will stand by you no matter how bad things get.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: who is understanding and who isnt. also how dang SLOW treatments and tests and diagnosis are :P
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: brought me fizzy pjs and a god book :)
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: im really not, i just likes this survey, and reading the articles.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: thankful :) maybe now you understand my daily life a little better!